Ipad and chaos.

Today is an exciting day! I got a new iPad! My mommy and husband are super sweet:) I like to think this is their way of encouraging my "writing" aka blogging, as well as allowing me to think that this amazing gadget will get me organized... My life has felt a little chaotic in the last couple of months, scratch that, I don't really remember a time when the life of Mo Collier now Williams wasnt pure chaos haha but when there are two precious lives that depend on you it just adds a little somethin' to the chaos to lessen that chaos which just creates MORE CHAOS ya know?? Am I even making sense?? Probably not but Anyway I've never really thought of myself as unorganized but I now realize I was just being a little selfish maybe? I'm still searching for the word.. but I wasn't allowing anyone except a certain few special people in my life (the kids and ryan) to rely on me, even then I look back and see how I wasn't reliable because all I was doing was trying to control any and everything. When you live a life like that you can fool yourself into thinking you have it all organized, all in line for the most part, but really your just limiting yourself in a bazillion ways. Basically, NOW I have allowed myself to dive into all the things I was afraid of because it was "too much" at the time. NOW I am in pure controlled by Christ chaos rather than controlled by Mo chaos! Don't get me wrong, still stressful, but Im so aware of God's presence and slowly but surely im giving up control. How wonderfully it is working out, but my sheild is up, devil keep yo distance! I'm able to be passionate about more than just my precious babies and amazing husband, which is totally at the top of my list, but now that I am "unleashing" myself I am so much better for those presh three and as a woman for Christ. When I was in highschool I read a book called Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge (a must read for all women). I've referenced back to it lately and in a part of the book I had written that my prayer was to be unveiled. I wanted even then to know what kind of woman of Christ am I. I think every woman, every girl wants to know that. Wants answers. I don't have all the answers and never will, but I do have comfort in that my Savior does. As long as I follow His path and not mine I will be a-okay.

"You belong among the wildflowers. You belong in a boat out at sea. You belong with your love on your arm. You belong somewhere you feel free." -Tom Petty